Rose Lockinger currently works at Stodzy Marketing, as their Outreach Director. She also enjoys yoga, art, fishing, horseback riding, the beach, and anything outdoors. She loves traveling and adding new experiences to her life. Her best job however is being a Mom.
Rose is passionate about recovery and living life to the fullest.
For me this is a relative term I had many bottoms throughout my using; however, I would say the one that impacted me the most was a spiritual “rock bottom”. After 18 years of using anything to feed the insatiable hunger inside me nothing worked. I could not stand to hurt those I loved anymore. When I looked at their faces and saw the constant pain I inflicted. I wanted more than anything to die however somehow that escape never came. My children are the reason I went to treatment I could no longer look in their eyes and ignore or numb out the pain I caused them. When I looked in the mirror at this point all I saw reflected was a wretched husk of a human being. My eyes were dead. I had come to the conclusion that I had no soul. No one with a soul could have done the things I had done. This is what keeps so many isolated in addiction the shame and guilt from past deeds. I did not understand that it was not a moral failure that had led to my disease. I was not a bad person. I was an addict. Once I accepted this in every part of myself I became free. This was the start of my journey to healing.
1) Describe your ‘rock bottom.’
2) What were your first 30 days of recovery like?
In reality I don’t remember much of those 30 days. It was a haze of raging emotions that consumed me and I no longer had a solution. Detoxing from benzos and alcohol at the same time is not a pleasant experience and for the most part left me unable to comprehend what was happening around me. However I was able to understand one key concept and that was that I needed a spiritual solution and I focused on this as my main goal. To establish a relationship with a higher power.
3) What are the best things that have happened to you since you got clean/sober?
I have in one year re-established the relationships I destroyed. I have my family and children back in my life. I have found peace in myself something I never thought was possible. I know feel like a member of society.
4) If you could go back in time to you when you were drinking/using what would you tell yourself?
Honestly, I think that this path has given me an insight and empathy for the human condition I never would have had before.
5) What have been the most useful things you have learnt about yourself since getting sober/clean?
That I am a good person and that I can love myself and through this I can love others in my life.
6) Tell me about something wonderful that happened to you recently that never would have happened if you had been drinking.
I have gotten visitation with my children.
7) What are your favorite recovery slogans?
Rejection is God’s protection, Let go and let God, serenity prayer
8) And lastly, why does ‘recovery rock?’
Because for once I am real, authentic, present. I am learning how to move forward to not let my past determine my present.