Category Archives: Addiction

Do drugs and alcohol make you more creative?

May 24, 2013
by Veronica Valli
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My son's first art work (20 months).

My son’s first art work (20 months).


Another interesting article in The Guardian about addiction and creativity.
Alex Preston a writer, discusses how Prozac inhibited his ability to write. He asked around and found that other writers experienced similar problems.
I have always thought the question of addiction and creativity to be an interesting one. It certainly seems to be an occupational hazard amongst musicians, artists and writers.
I have heard the argument that some people believe that drugs and alcohol have enhanced their ability to be creative. I personally don’t buy that.
I think there are plenty of examples of artists who have gone on to greater success once they were clean and sober.
The other question you could ask is whether artists are more predisposed to mental health conditions like depression? Do they initially use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate? Again, there is a long list of artist’s battling mental health demons.

I believe there is a reason for that. In Brain Rules for Babies* John Medina explores how babies brain’s develop and lays out the scientific research that shows you how to raise a smart and happy child. The most interesting part of this, is research indicates the two most important things you can teach a child are:
Impulse control &
Empathy.

A book every parent should read.

A book every parent should read.


As a scientist he was staggered at how important the development of empathy was for a happy and healthy life. It is, in fact key.
Scientific research then goes on to show that one of the best ways to develop empathy is through music. Researchers have shown that kids who learn any instrument before the age of 7 for at least 10 years had measurably more empathy than their peers.
Could this also be a predisposition to addiction or abuse of alcohol and drugs? After all, one of the purposes of abusing drugs and alcohol is to numb feelings.
Do musicians just over empathise?
Do artists just feel too much?
Those who get it right produce work that enriches our souls and brings pleasure to many people whilst also living their own happy lives. Those who get it wrong can still bring pleasure to many but at a devastating personal cost.

What do you think? Do you think drugs and alcohol have enhanced your ability to creative or have they stiffled it?
Is the art worth the pain?

*As a therapist I developed a ton of theories about why kids turned out the way they do. I believed a lot of it was down to parenting. My theory was that the most important thing you can teach a child is how to master their emotional life and everything follows from there. Brain Rules for Babies completely supports this theory. It is our internal world that is the most important to define and understand.

What’s the difference between anonymity and secrecy?

May 21, 2013
by Veronica Valli
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HPIM0835
For those of you haven’t heard of David Sheff, he wrote a best selling memoir about his addicted son ‘Beautiful Boy.’
He has just written a follow-up ‘Clean: Overcoming Addiction and Ending America’s Greatest Tragedy,’ which explores the addiction treatment system and everything related to it.
He makes some really good points, some I agree with, some I don’t.
One of the most interesting things he discusses is that addicts and alcoholics should come ‘out’ about their past in order to spread awareness and break down barriers. Fear and shame prevents people talking about personal experience with addiction. Families really struggle dealing with the addict in their family because they don’t want anyone to find out. Sheff is advocating that more people are public with their experience of addiction.
For the record, I totally agree with this. However, I don’t agree with breaking the tradition of anonymity in the 12-step fellowships but I think that these can be two separate things.
I am completely open in all areas of my life that I am a recovered alcoholic. It’s just part of who I am. When you have worked as an addictions therapist it’s pretty hard to hide as the question you are most often asked is ‘how did you get into that?’
I am not ashamed or embarrassed, just very matter of fact. Because of this, I inevitably have people ask me for help or advice when they realise they have a problem or love someone who does. If I can help I do, I tell them there is hope.

My alcoholism is not a secret, it made me who I am an I am proud of what I have become.
I won’t lie, I sometimes enjoy watching people’s shocked faces when I tell them I spent most of my twenties drinking too much and snorting drugs. I can tell by their faces they don’t think I look the ‘type.’
And that’s the point.
Addicts and alcoholics can look like me, they can look like anyone. It can happen to anyone.
I used to think that alcoholics were ‘smelly old men on benches’ and because I hadn’t lost my job or got a DUI I wasn’t ‘qualified.’ I think a lot of people think like that and could get help a lot earlier if they had more information.
You can read the interview here.
What does everyone else think?

Recovery Rocks – Jillanna D. Mercer

May 6, 2013
by Veronica Valli
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IMG_20130422_084041_867
This weeks ‘Recovery Rocks’ interview is with the fabulous Jillanna D. Mercer (38). She manages to be a mother of three children while working as a hair stylist at Wingard Salon in Champaign Illinois.
One of the first things you notice about Jillanna is the word ‘Sober’ tattoed boldly on her arm.
She’s serious about recovery.
Her life is full with her family and career, the only helping hand she requires now is some good coffee.

Her interview is breathtakingly honest, Jillanna has been fearless in describing how low her addiction took her. She lays bare the reality of being a young mother in addiction and how close she came to loosing her children. Thankfully she turned herself around.
If you are a mother struggling with addiction or you know someone who is. Then you need to read this.
Sobriety date: 08/10/09

https://www.facebook.com/jillanna.d.mercer
http://wingardsalon.com/stylists/jillanna-mercer/

Recovery Rocks Interview

1) Describe your ‘rock bottom.’
(Deep Breath)
I remember the exact moment I hit rock bottom. I can describe the room I was in, the time of day, and what I was wearing. I was 7 months pregnant and in a state run rehab. I had no money, no job, no car, no friends or family willing to talk to me. I was homeless. I had lost my rights to my oldest son and hadn’t seen or talked to him in months.
I was pretty sure I was going to lose the rights to my unborn child. I had been in the rehab a few days and had gotten to know some of the women. Most were either coming from jail or going to jail. None of them had any relationship with their kids. A lot of them had drug and alcohol related illnesses, like hepatitis and HIV.
All the women looked rough. Hardened.
Some didn’t even have their teeth. I looked around and saw what my peer group had become. I could not continue down this path any longer. I knew I had to stop and not ever, ever, ever use again.

2) What was your ‘moment of truth’ or ‘clarity’ that prompted you to get sober/clean?

I had spent my few days there also reading recovery literature. I recognized that a power greater than myself was necessary to make any permanent change. But I did not have a clear understanding of how to do this. I found a woman who had struck me as somewhat spiritual. I asked her to pray with me. We went into a small unused office and she prayed for me. We both cried a little. I can’t really tell you what words she used but it was a plea for help. I felt an indescribable peace come over me. I believe this was my ‘spiritual awakening’. Since that moment I have found the strength to overcome any urges I may have to drink or drug.

3) What were your first 30 days of recovery like?
Honestly, they were pretty rough. No one trusted me. No one believed I could stay sober. No one could appreciate the changes I could feel inside that this time was different. My biggest struggle was my pregnancy. There was a very real fear that DCFS would take my child. I was honest with my doctors and was preparing myself for the worst. No one around me could really get excited about the baby because they too knew she could be taken into foster care and they were concerned I would not stay sober if that happened. I kept to myself. I did a lot of recovery reading. I prayed a lot.

4) What are the best things that have happened to you since you got clean/sober?
There are so many!
The very best thing is I am a get to be a wonderful Mom. My relationship with my first child has been restored. The first year I was sober, I was not allowed to see him. But I could call. I called every night. Gradually I was allowed short visits and now I have just as much time as any other divorced parent. My second child, the one I was pregnant with when I got sober, was not ever involved with DCFS. She is happy and healthy. I also have a third child. I absolutely love being a mom to my kids.

I also went back to school to get my cosmetology license. I now am a self-employed hair stylist.

Finally my relationships with my friends and family have been restored. I am now trusted and appreciated.

5) If you could go back in time to you when you were dinking/using what would you tell yourself?
My first rehab was in 2007. I could stay sober for 3 months or maybe even 6 months but then I would relapse. I would be triggered by something and then start obsessing about the drugs. I felt I HAD to use. I did not feel I had a choice.
Now I know that those feelings of wanting to use will pass. Before I thought I would be struggling with them forever. I never realized how quickly the intensity of wanting to use can go away. The same is true for how mad I get at someone or how sad I feel or how hopeless a situation seems. This too shall pass. Without a doubt it is the most valuable tool I learned.

6) What have been the most useful things you have learnt about yourself since getting sober/clean?
It is amazing to me how much easier my life got once I stopped self-destructing. Just by doing the right things, I eliminated a ton of stress. No more worrying about hurting people I care about, or going to jail. No worries about losing my job or my boyfriend finding out I cheated on him. No hangover headaches or overdrawn bank accounts.

I have learned that my life is pretty simple. There is very little I can actually control. If I make the very best decisions I can and have some faith in God, everything works out.

7) What are your favourite recovery slogans?
One day at a time. This too shall pass.

8) And lastly, why does ‘recovery rock?’
Today I live a life I never thought possible. My whole life I felt uncomfortable in my skin. I was filled with depression and sadness. Those feelings led me to drink and drug and that led to utter chaos. There are days I am still in shock that I am sober.
I am totally amazed that I can be so happy. Not that I don’t have problems or struggles, but I feel I have been giving the tools to live my life. The best part is that I know my feelings are genuine. Happy or sad, they are mine. And that totally rocks!

If you are clean and sober and would like to take part in a Recovery Rocks interview, please message me through my Facebook page. I would love to include you!

I’ve been sober longer than I drank for.

May 2, 2013
by Veronica Valli
1 Reply

Me at 15

Me at 15

Me at 40

Me at 40

Today is my birthday.
I’m 13 years sober. It’s a big deal for me because I’ve now been sober longer than I actually drank for.
I drank from the ages of 15 to 27.
That might seem weird, that if it’s been that long then surely the problem has gone away.
Unfortunately not. Because as an alcoholic my drinking was only actually a symptom, it wasn’t the real problem.
The problem was deep in my soul, I was dying on the inside and alcohol just relieved the pain.
When I stopped drinking I had to heal my soul and learn how to live as my problem has always been living not drinking.
I found tools, I got help, I worked hard and I found freedom. It hasn’t always been easy but there was no other way for me. What drinking taught me was that I didn’t want to die, that I wanted to live. I just didn’t know how.
Sobriety has been the biggest and most rewarding adventure I could possibly imagine. It has been more fun, more exciting, more fulfilling, more rewarding, more, well just more…
And I wouldn’t change a thing, not even the drinking and the horror that came with it. Because without that I wouldn’t have this, and this is better than anything I could ever have imagined.

Does food addiction exist?

May 1, 2013
by Veronica Valli
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There was a very interesting program about food addiction on BBC Radio 4 today. New research is revealing some very interesting stuff about brain chemistry and how this effects addictive behaviour. The most compelling testimony though is from two food addicts who describe the misery of their addiction. The way they describe their experience is no different from an alcohol or addict. After many attempts to get help they both found Overeaters Anonymous helped them the most.
An interesting listen for anyone dealing with food issues and/or addiction.
The link to the programme is here.

Harm reduction?

April 15, 2013
by Veronica Valli
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HPIM0835

The city of Brighton in the UK is thinking of introducing drug consumption rooms, where addicts can safely inject drugs. The goal is to reduce drug related deaths as part of their harm reduction strategy. There are already drug consumption rooms in other parts of Europe.
I honestly don’t know how I feel about this. I’ve worked in harm reduction in the UK and although I understand the reasoning behind and it seems to make sense. It also doesn’t.
It’s true some addicts and alcoholics don’t want to stop drinking or using, or they have convinced themselves there is no point to life without drugs and alcohol. But to continue using means an escalation of harm to themselves and to others.
So I guess you could argue that this is about personal choice too. If someone wants to self-destruct then they have the right to do that.
So isn’t the humane thing to do to provide them some where ‘harm-free’ to do that?
Maybe.
It just makes me feel so sad.
That, as human beings, that’s all they’re worth. A clean supervised room in which to gouge out in.
I truly believe all addicts can and want to get clean given the right opportunity. I just believe they’re really, really, really scared and the fear becomes too much for them so they use.
I get that.
I know what it’s like to be frightened beyond all comprehension with no idea how I’m going to live this life.
Numbness was always a better choice than facing my fears. Until it wasn’t and I got help.
So my fear about these consumption rooms is that the money and resources start going into them and there is nothing left for treatment. Actual treatment where people face their fears, face their past and learn the tools they need to live clean and sober. Where addicts are treated as sick human beings not lost causes.
So they can become the people they were always meant to be. Not zombies’ sitting in a room not feeling anything.

Shame and sex addiction

April 11, 2013
by Veronica Valli
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Shame by Valeria C Preisler

Shame by Valeria C Preisler

I finally got round to watching the movie ‘Shame’ about sex addiction.
It had been recommended to me by several people and I wasn’t disappointed. Michael Fassbender did a stunning job portraying the emotional life of a sex addict. So good, that the movie and it’s haunting images has stayed with me.
I think sex addiction has long been one of those addictions that people scoff at as not being ‘real’. ‘Shame’ really showed how real sex addiction is and how soul destroying it can be for someone caught in its trap.
For a sex addict; sex isn’t fun, loving or intimate it’s just necessary. It’s a necessary act they repeat over and over again.
Because sex is an outward expression of our feelings towards someone and our sexual energy is a very potent force. It is one of the most powerful expressions and releases we have as human beings. Because of this potent force and it’s ability to provide release it can easily become an addiction for someone who has developed no other way of coping with their inner world.
The sex addict then has no authenticity, their sexual expression is not honest or congruent. It is, in fact abusive.
And that is very shameful.
Shame is a toxic and destructive emotion that eats us up from the inside. Shame is the feeling that we are unworthy or wrong because of what we do and therefore who we are.
Because the feeling is so painful, it is natural to seek relief and so the cycle continues.
I have worked with many clients dealing with these issues and the good news is there is a way out if they can seek help.
In the meantime, movie’s like ‘Shame’ can begin to educate people how serious sex addiction can be.

Addiction is a disease

May 14, 2012
by Veronica Valli
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60 minutes just did an excellent piece on the disease of addiction. Dr. Nora D. Volkow is doing some excellent research that shows how addiction works in the brain. Her research is revolutionising medicine in proving that addiction is not a moral issue but a disease. Her research has show how drugs physically alter the brain and that these changes can last a long time.
You can watch the interview in full here.

Russell Brand focuses on addiction.

April 24, 2012
by Veronica Valli
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The original and unique Russell Brand spoke today at a parliamentary select committee today on addiction. Accompanying him was Chip Somers the chief executive of Focus 12 abstinence based treatment centre in the UK. (Full discloser: I trained as a therapist at Focus 12, it is an awesome facility with really dedicated staff. Hundreds of people have got clean and sober there over the years.)
Unlike the USA, the UK has a focus on harm minimisation as a primary form of treatment. This means in most cases, prescribed substances such as methadone are given to addicts as an alternative to using heroin. Thus minimising the harm of getting and using illegal drugs. Alcoholics are given drugs like anti-abuse that makes the alcoholic really sick if they drink alcohol. I think harm minimisation has its place; however in the UK all it seems to have done is replaced illegal drugs with state sponsored ones. Thus making the taxpayer the dealer. Sadly, abstinence from all mood and mind altering drugs, including prescribed ones, seems to be the very last resort for many treatment providers in the UK.
I have worked with many addicts and alcoholics who want to stop taking all drugs (especially the prescribed ones), they want to treat the root of the problem and overcome their addiction not mask it with other substances. As Russell charmingly points out, he became an addict because of “emotional and psychology difficulties and perhaps a spiritual malady.” Yet this is still not understood and there isn’t enough provision for abstinence-based treatment. The US is ahead of the UK in accepting that addiction is a disease and that abstinence is the only effective form of treatment for this disease. I don’t think this is the case yet in the UK where (judging from the comments left after the article in the Telegraph) people still believe it is a moral issue and a question of choice. This is not to absolve the addict or alcoholic of responsibility; rather it is absolutely their responsibility to do something about their disease. But they can’t do it alone. They need help. Lots of it.