My goal with the Recovery Rocks interviews is to keep showing the world how awesome recovery is whilst also sharing stories that sometimes get overlooked. Brian Cuban is a lawyer and activist, he hosts his own TV show ‘Brian Cuban’s legal briefs’ on Eyeopener TV and runs his blog The Cuban Revolution.
He is in recovery for addiction, an eating disorder and Body Dysmorphia Disorder(BDD). There is a misconception that eating disorders can be more of a female problem when the truth is many men suffer in silence from food disorders too.
Brian is hoping to shatter that myth by revealing his struggles and how he overcame them.
He wrote the number 1 selling book ‘Shattered Image’ based on his experiences. Hopefully his story will help other men and women recognise their own struggles with food.
1) Describe your ‘rock bottom.’
“Rock bottom for me what standing in the parking lot of a Dallas psychiatric facility for the 2nd time (the first time was after sticking a .45 automatic in my mouth about a 1 and ½ years earlier. My girlfriend had taken me there after a two day cocaine, ambien and Jack Daniels fueled binge and blackout. During that blackout it was clear that I had been unfaithful to her. As I stood in that parking, lot I came to the realization that there would be no more trips to the facility. One more time and I would be dead. I was also in danger of losing the people that mattered the most to be in addition to my girlfriend. My family. Family may love you unconditionally but their tolerance to watch someone they love slowly kill himself has limits. They would distance. I would be alone or dead. The realization in that moment is what fueled me to take the first steps to recovery. I never looked back.
2) What were your first 30 days of recovery like?
The first 30 days were hard. I had walked into treatment for the first time the day after my “moment of clarity? , I was scared of the future. I was scared of not having drugs and alcohol to fuel the false Brian I had created. I was scared of being alone with my true distorted Body Dysmorphic thoughts about my appearance without any artificial crutches to soothe the shame. The shame I had struggled with since I was 10 years old as a result of bullying and fat shaming over my weight.
3) What are the best things that have happened to you since you got clean/sober?
The absolutely best thing that has happened to me is that I have become better with my thoughts and acceptance of body image. This has helped me deal with the body dysmorphic disorder, it’s attendant drug and alcohol issues and eating disorders( I was bulimic for 27 years) I have been free of all these behaviors since April 8th 2007. I have accomplished more in the almost 7 years of my sobriety than in the previous sum total of my entire life.
The most recent accomplishment is that I wrote about book about my recovery, “Shattered Image, that became the #1 selling Eating Disorder Book on Amazon. This has provided me a platform to help others in their struggles.
4) If you could go back in time to you when you were drinking/using what would you tell yourself?
I would tell myself that its ok to be flawed and to be ok with those flaws. We are all uniquely beautiful in our own body type and personalities. There is no need to compare.
5) What have been the most useful things you have learnt about yourself since getting sober/clean?
That I can be loved. That I can love.
6) What are your favorite recovery slogans?
Your lowest moment in life can be your most triumphant if you survive it and learn from it.
7) And lastly, why does ‘recovery rock?
8 years ago, I could not have envisioned the happy and fulfilling life of love, loving and personal accomplishment that recovery has given me. Where there was darkness and loss of hope, there is now only opportunity to achieve.