Category Archives: Goodbye letter to alcohol

A goodbye letter to alcohol…

I am running a series of ‘Goodbye letters to alcohol.’ They can be a powerful and effective tool in helping us clearly see the damage it has done in our lives. if you would be interested in writing one, please contact me as I’d love to publish it.
This one is by Henry O

Dear Alcohol,

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We once enjoyed the friendship that many do. In the beginning we met occasionally, in brief encounters that ended with mutual consent that contributed to many enjoyable social gatherings with laughter.

Then slowly you became a master of my destiny, as I grew older with feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem and that pitiful emotional loneliness the devoured every waking moment. You magically made them disappear and life seemed acceptable and pretentiously wonderful.
You disguised my fear with anger, my low self esteem with false pride and ego, and my low self worth with a false exterior of stolen wealth.
The more you came into my life, the harder it was to reach the false expectations you had convinced me I required; to be wanted needed and loved by anyone including myself.

You fooled me into a false sense of hope when actually there was only despair and loneliness in your company.
You stripped me of the ability to understand or believe there was any consequences to my selfish actions. You allowed me to justify my defects and blame someone else for my behavior

I allowed you to take my dignity and self respect as I depended on you more and more. You made me believe I needed to isolate myself and you took away those whom I loved and cherished. Secretly making me believe I loved you more and life was better with you.
That’s all gone now, I woke one day and found out I had turned into the person I had promised so many people that I would never become, especially after what I had seen you had do to my father. The loneliness would engross my days and nights even in a crowded room, seeking attention from everyone but that was never enough to fill the whole within me.
I realized my life was a lie, I was blinded by your actions and my life was a constant blackout of the truth.
Then, as I could sink no further, my only options were to either embrace our friendship further to die a sad and lonely death and end it all.
I still don’t know where I summoned the courage but I asked for help.
The grip you had over me seemed to me impossible to break as you left me feeling I could never live my life without you by my side.
I met these people that told me their stories of their life experiences of how you had done the same to them, but more impressively how they no longer bowed to your every tune.
They explained how they had overcome their obsession and to simply avoid that first meeting and how this could be achieved one day at a time.

They told me they had a sufficient subsitute and that I would be able to cope with life without you once I was able to accept that you had turned from being my friend into an illness.

Once I was prepared to accept I was powerless over you and I was incapable of managing my own life. My thoughts and actions were the very definition of insanity and I needed to open my eyes to the deprevation of my past and be prepared to share these with others.
It took me some time to understand and admit that you had beaten me to surrender, but now I am winning the battle, one day at a time.
So its been sometime since we parted and with the greatest of respect I say good riddance, we part with a mutual comprehension of your intentions and I must bid you farewell and warn you of my intention to avoid your harmful insidious clutches of hopelessness and loneliness.
More importantly I inform you of my dedication to think not of you but of those of whom you have lied to and still control.
You are no longer my master and commander, you can no longer harm me or those I love.

Good Bye to you Alcohol, you may still hold onto many within your control but I warn you of the thousands who will carry the message of a solution to the problems you cause and shout loudly of how we can live without you. We can make amends for our past and help others to see you for what you actually are.
You no longer have a hold over me.

Regards
Henry O

Goodbye letter to alcohol – Paul O

I’ve started a series of ‘Goodbye letters to Alcohol (or drugs).‘ I published mine last week and have since been asking if others would like to share theirs. This is my Twitter buddy Paul, who was very gracious to send this to me. As you can see it’s pretty staggering and it is a miracle he is still alive. I met Paul on Twitter and we have some great conversations about alcoholism and recovery. He is just one more drunk who decided to work hard and live in the light…

Hello alcohol.

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Not to put too fine a point on it, you have played one hell of a major part in my life. From the time I was 10 years old when I used to stay with my grandparents in county Sligo and we used to visit bars, I got a feel of what you had to offer. People laughing, singing, talking, joking….ice, glasses, different colours, everything was sparkling.
From behind that bar counter you held and played your audience like a pro, you seemed like a class act to me. You provided a magical atmosphere, you injected life, created so much promise. People could not get enough of what you had to offer. The Bell would ring for last orders, thus causing a mini stampede in your direction. In my young mind you possessed God like qualities. Maybe I was even jealous of your power. You made me feel all grown up.

And oh boy did I understand your effect on my body and soul when I started to consume what you had offer. You were always first on the invite list, no event or any meeting could be complete without you, in fact how could any event take place without you. You were the very substance that gelled any gathering, made it complete, you became the host, you brought me closer to friends, family, and even strangers. But most of all you took away my fear, stabilized my emotions, more accurately you dulled and even blanked them.

When I think about you now, and it has been over 400 days since we were last intimate, I can’t say that I hate or even despise you. In my own opinion for what it is worth, individually we were not so bad. The problem occurred when we become intimate with each other. Combined we are highly destructive, unpredictable, chaotic, and downright dangerous.

It is no coincidence that certain things have NOT happened to me in the last 400+ days.

I have not been arrested and locked up in a police cell.
I have not been hospitalized for liver failure, or for falling down the stairs.
I have not fallen into the bath, puked all over myself, and unable to get out.
I have not lost a mobile phone, lap top, or any other important possessions.
I have not been arrested off any plane or train in handcuffs.
I have not woken up not knowing where I am, or who is beside me.
I have not gone a month without shaving or showering.
I have not had to lie for you anymore.
I have not pissed or shit myself.
I have not slept on a piece of cardboard with a homeless person.
I have not knocked on a neighbours door begging for you.
I have not been locked into a bedroom with a bucket during my daughter’s birthday.
I have not ruined anyone’s wedding day, or any other special occasion.
I have not been told by family and friends never to show my face again.
I have not been faced with losing my dignity because of a kiss with you.
I have not had to listen to a loved one tell me that she had just been told that I would probably die within a month.
Etc etc etc etc etc.

Lets be honest, if the above actions were criteria for living a life, how many sane people would sign up? Yet I do not blame you, it takes 2 to tango, I carry my responsibility in our relationship. You and I simply do not mix. When I was intimate with you my life became a living hell, and everything I touched turned toxic. When our lips touched there was no such thing as a passionate kiss, or even heavy petting, o no, I had to take it to the most deprived levels.

As perverse as it may seem, I also owe you a thank you. Without you having been in my life, I would not be where I am now.

When I made my mind up to finish our intimate relationship, I was determined to fill the gap that you once filled. To my surprise it has given me a feeling of well being and peace that I can’t remember ever feeling before, or even knowing it existed. It has given me a feeling of being connected to my surroundings, a completely different way of thinking and attitude towards life and living.

So, who knows, maybe you were meant to come into my life, you certainly helped to mold it.

By the way, I still dream about you, but when I wake up, I can not describe the feeling of relief that I get with the realization that our intimate relationship is over.

The feeling of freedom is incredible without you, and no doubt you will test my resolve. I respect your patience, and you play an awesome long game, but because I never want to give up what I now have now without you, my vigilance is key, and my acceptance of the fact that if our lips even touch my life will get worse.

Paul O’

Writing a ‘goodbye letter to alcohol’ can be really therapeutic, if you would like to share yours, please contact me here.

A goodbye letter to alcohol…

Dear Alcohol,

I don’t know where to start. We have come a long way, you and me.

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Things were great in the beginning. I had never met anyone like you. Nobody had ever made me feel the way you did. I felt special when I was with you. Full of hope, that anything was possible. Those were magical days; no thought of tomorrow, everything ahead of us, exciting and fun.

I thought it would always be like that, I thought our feelings would never change.

I never believed you could hurt me this much.

You were my world, my everything. You completed me. I felt safe with you. You touched me like no one else could. I came to rely on you. You were always there, wherever I went. Then things changed.

I kept thinking; ‘This time it will be different, it will be like the old days’. But it never was, the old days never came back. I tried so hard, but it was all so much simpler in the old days.

But you made me feel ashamed. I was scared at what I was capable of when I was with you.
I got lost in you. I couldn’t see what was really happening. I pushed my family away; my friends didn’t matter anymore, as long as I had you.

It stopped being fun a long time ago. I don’t remember when. I should have stopped seeing you then, but I couldn’t let go of the promise you made all those years ago. You promised you’d be my one and only, but you lied. You lied about everything.

I see that now; I see that everything was an illusion, that nothing you did or said was true.

How could I have been so stupid, so naive? I was never special to you, you never cared about me. You just wanted me to yourself. You didn’t care what I wanted or needed. I was just one more to you.

I didn’t think there was any further I could go down in my obsession for you, but there was always more pain, more destruction, and still I wouldn’t let go. Then I came to the jumping off place.

I saw that you would kill me. My love for you would kill me.

I had to learn to live without you.

I decided at that point, that no matter how hard it was I wanted you out of my life forever. You tried to get me back, you were close a couple of times, but finally I saw you as you really were – a liar, a thief, a soul stealer; you were never capable of love.

You never cared.

It was seeing this that gave me the power to get over you. I learnt that all the things I thought you gave me, I could get myself.

I started loving myself; I learnt that I had something to offer. Best of all, I learnt I could cope without you. I found love and connection, in different ways to the ones you offered.

What you offered was fake. Now I know what real love is, you could never come close.

It’s over now, forever. I feel repulsed when I see you. I shudder to think that I could ever have loved you, that you could have been important to me.

You disgust me.

Image courtesy of markuso at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of markuso at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I can walk past you now and it doesn’t bother me.

I feel free. I feel whole. I can see your lies and laugh at them. You have no hold anymore. You are nothing to me.

Yours sincerely,

A Recovered Alcoholic

This is an exclusive extract from my book: ‘Why you drink and How to stop: Journey to freedom.’ Available at Amazon, Barnes & Nobel and iTunes.

If you would like to share your goodbye letter to alcohol or drugs please message me.