Most of us realize pretty soon after we get sober that alcohol was never really the true problem. That in fact, it was life that was the problem. Newly sober, we have the challenge of living life without the crutch of alcohol.
We need tools and the instructions on how to use those tools, but most of all we need each other. This path cannot be walked alone. Ask around, many have tried, it never ends well.
Healthy sobriety is about connection and living our truth.
Eventually, if we stick with it, sobriety becomes our ‘new normal’ and our old life seems like it belonged to a different person.
The challenges don’t stop when we get sober, in fact, most of us have lots of learning and growth opportunities to grapple with that we postponed because of our drinking. Like developing emotional intelligence for instance and responding to our feelings in a healthy manner, not a destructive one. Creating balance in our lives where we used to have chaos.
Yep, balance is essential to healthy recovery.
Just because I have balance today does not mean I will have it tomorrow.
I have to work at balance in my life especially now that I’m a mother.
I wouldn’t say that my recovery was easy, it wasn’t, but it was certainly easier than drinking and using. I had a major crisis at about 3 years sober because of a relationship (dating disaster hell) and a few more speed bumps along the way. But I found that as long as I continued to stay connected and use the tools I was given I was able to learn and grow through each challenge.
I was 12 years sober when I had a baby, so I had some solid sobriety under my belt. However becoming a mother was an enormous learning curve. I didn’t sleep for a year. My son is now 5 and I have another son who is 2. I can’t remember what it’s like to feel properly rested. I look back at my old life and actually feel embarrassed at ever complaining I was tired before.
Exhaustion became my ‘new normal’.
All I did for the first year of motherhood was look after my darling one whilst trying to remember to shower occasionally. I didn’t use any of my recovery tools because I didn’t think I needed to. I wasn’t doing a whole lot, I certainly wasn’t getting resentments and I adored my baby beyond anything so I just cruised for a while.
Then came a speed bump. It was a big one.
My son was about 15 months old when I realized I just didn’t feel right in myself. People were starting to annoy me and I was withdrawing from my husband. I was exhausted, nothing else mattered except sleeping and taking care of my son.
Despite my exhaustion, I had to find some internal strength to do what I’ve always done; to take care of myself spiritually and emotionally. Even bone crunching exhaustion wasn’t a good enough excuse.
My mind is insidious like that, it will still look for reasons to not do the things that are good for me. It will always try and find the easier option.
But there is not easier option for someone like me.
I wasn’t close to taking a drink, but I know the pathway to drinking and I had stepped on it. Maybe I’d have stayed a dry drunk for years, who knows?
But there’s no way I want to find out.
My sons deserve a sober mother, but they also deserve an emotionally healthy and spiritually fit mother too. Becasue there’s so much more to staying sober than just not drinking.