Tag Archives: lies

A goodbye letter to alcohol…

Dear Alcohol,

I don’t know where to start. We have come a long way, you and me.

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Things were great in the beginning. I had never met anyone like you. Nobody had ever made me feel the way you did. I felt special when I was with you. Full of hope, that anything was possible. Those were magical days; no thought of tomorrow, everything ahead of us, exciting and fun.

I thought it would always be like that, I thought our feelings would never change.

I never believed you could hurt me this much.

You were my world, my everything. You completed me. I felt safe with you. You touched me like no one else could. I came to rely on you. You were always there, wherever I went. Then things changed.

I kept thinking; ‘This time it will be different, it will be like the old days’. But it never was, the old days never came back. I tried so hard, but it was all so much simpler in the old days.

But you made me feel ashamed. I was scared at what I was capable of when I was with you.
I got lost in you. I couldn’t see what was really happening. I pushed my family away; my friends didn’t matter anymore, as long as I had you.

It stopped being fun a long time ago. I don’t remember when. I should have stopped seeing you then, but I couldn’t let go of the promise you made all those years ago. You promised you’d be my one and only, but you lied. You lied about everything.

I see that now; I see that everything was an illusion, that nothing you did or said was true.

How could I have been so stupid, so naive? I was never special to you, you never cared about me. You just wanted me to yourself. You didn’t care what I wanted or needed. I was just one more to you.

I didn’t think there was any further I could go down in my obsession for you, but there was always more pain, more destruction, and still I wouldn’t let go. Then I came to the jumping off place.

I saw that you would kill me. My love for you would kill me.

I had to learn to live without you.

I decided at that point, that no matter how hard it was I wanted you out of my life forever. You tried to get me back, you were close a couple of times, but finally I saw you as you really were – a liar, a thief, a soul stealer; you were never capable of love.

You never cared.

It was seeing this that gave me the power to get over you. I learnt that all the things I thought you gave me, I could get myself.

I started loving myself; I learnt that I had something to offer. Best of all, I learnt I could cope without you. I found love and connection, in different ways to the ones you offered.

What you offered was fake. Now I know what real love is, you could never come close.

It’s over now, forever. I feel repulsed when I see you. I shudder to think that I could ever have loved you, that you could have been important to me.

You disgust me.

Image courtesy of markuso at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of markuso at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I can walk past you now and it doesn’t bother me.

I feel free. I feel whole. I can see your lies and laugh at them. You have no hold anymore. You are nothing to me.

Yours sincerely,

A Recovered Alcoholic

This is an exclusive extract from my book: ‘Why you drink and How to stop: Journey to freedom.’ Available at Amazon, Barnes & Nobel and iTunes.

If you would like to share your goodbye letter to alcohol or drugs please message me.

How did we normalise abnormal drinking?

It is the mythology around drinking that does the most damage. The consistent brain washing message that drinking is harmless, just a bit of fun. That it’s only a ‘small minority’ that have a problem.*

It is this blatant lie that irks me.

Image courtesy of hyena reality at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of hyena reality at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There has always been a history of inebriation in western culture.
But now we have created a culture that has utterly normalised abnormal drinking, to the point that when challenged, perpetuators of this myth feel genuinely aggrieved.
They sincerely believe their relationship with alcohol is normal.
Normal only because the wider culture reflects it back.

What are the mechanisms that have enabled us to ‘normalise’ abnormal drinking, as this is what essentially has happened?

By normalising our abnormal drinking behaviour, we minimize the dangers and risks, then justify the consumption of it by repackaging it as something else i.e: Fun.

Then everyone feels better, because we are not abusing a central nervous system depressant or taking risks, we are having innocent ‘fun.’

It may not feel like fun when your head is stuck down the toilet all night; it may not look like fun when you topple into the gutter and everyone laughs at you; it may not sound like fun when some drunk slob, whose name you’ve forgotten, is grunting over you.
But rest assured, the message is out there, repeated again and again.
This. Is. Fun.

They’re lying to you.

One of the ways to do this, is by justify your consumption compared to other people.
Find someone who drinks more than you and immediately your own drinking feels ‘normal.’
Binge drinking has been ‘normalised’ by the sheer quantities of people doing it. We all want to belong, be part of the crowd.
Besides, they all look like they are having fun.

On the outside.

It is the dishonesty I am taking issue with here, the lies we are told, not the drinking necessarily. Go ahead and drink till you fall over, till you vomit all night, till you shag someone you met 3 hours earlier. Go ahead and drink everyday, drink with lunch, with supper, with breakfast.
Binge at the weekend, abstain in the week. Drink as you wish but at least have the decency to be honest about what you are doing.
Do not lie to me that this is harmless.
Do not try and spin this another way, because alcohol is a central nervous depressant, and by the sheer volume we are drinking it’s going to be sending moods down rather than up. So i know that can’t be true.
Do not repackage this and tell me we are only having a laugh.
Do not mock the people who enjoy alcohol as it’s meant to be enjoyed.
Do not compare yourselves to them.
It’s is not the drinking that is offensive, it’s the dishonesty.

Our abnormal drinking is destroying what’s good about alcohol.
The right kind of wine with your food, for instance. Or to unwind after a stressful day occasionally. One whisky is normal, not five. To celebrate an achievement, not get so drunk you can’t remember what you achieved or worse, fail to fulfill your potential.
Alcohol can be an aid to having fun, but is not fun of itself.

How have we created this dynamic?
Well, just look at main stream media.
They popularise and perpetuate the myth that alcohol abuse is a harmless past-time. This is not about being some out of touch moralist who is horrified by ‘yoof’ broadcasting; it is about the standards we are setting our young people and the lies we are feeding them.

They deserve better than that.
I deserved better than that.

Hell, I deserved one, just one person who was bright and intelligent and funny talking about what a great night they had SOBER.
But no what I got, what we still get, is some Radio DJ or TV presenter or actor or reality star describe a night out on the ‘lash’ and their ‘monster’ hangover they’ve come to work with describing the ‘mess’ they got up to whilst ‘plastered.’ How ‘fun’ it was and they can’t wait to do it again that night.

Our perception has been skewed so much that we have been hypnotised into believing that alcohol is somehow necessary for fun.
That fun without alcohol is not real fun at all, it’s a ‘lesser’ fun.
Really?

I was so sold on this belief that when I first quit drinking, I sincerely didn’t believe I would ever be able to have fun or be sociable again.
Alcohol = Fun was a fact for me, even when it wasn’t.
When I found out I how wrong I was, I was truly shocked.

When I stopped drinking and my life exploded into Technicolor and was rich, exciting, sponteneous, fulfilling, hillarious and fun.

It was then I realised how much I’d been lied to.

I’d like to know what you think?

*Please see embedded links for the research that backs this up.